A Weekend In

Many people are wondering why this weekends lock down across 30 municipalities in Turkey from midnight Friday until midnight Sunday was declared with only two hours notice.

I am able to reveal events behind the decision. Please do not ask me for my source.

İt all happened at a game of Forfeits after a supper meeting for Middle Eastern potentates held at the Yeni Saray (I did tell you a little bit of Turkish would be required). This is roughly how it went according to Baz the builder my reliable source.

Tamim bin Hamad Al Thani (Tam for short) Emir of Qatar, looking at card he has drawn from a red fez in the centre of a low table, speaks

“This one’s for you Tayyip. Your forfeit is…..Confine half of your population to their houses for the weekend.”

President of Turkey “What! That gives me just three hours bruv. Hardly fair. Sabah Al-Ahmad Al Jaber Al-Sabah, (Emir of Kuwait) only had to give an imitation of Donald Trump calling the Faithful to prayer in Ohio.”

“Yeah in American” the Emir protests. “You try it”

Jibes, winks and nudges follow thick and fast around the table

“Thought he was in charge”

“I could do it in half an hour”

“Half an hour! Luxury. Give me ten minutes.”

“ Ten minutes! Take a day. I could confine the whole of Saudi in 10 seconds”

“Ten seconds…”

“Ok!” Visibly nettled the President of Turkey reaches for his iPhone.

Anyway, however it came about, people across much of Turkey were given just two hours warning of lockdown from Midnight. In the proscribed municipalities (büyükşehir), which include our own of Antalya, people surged on to the streets after the 10.00 announcement to snap up what they could especially bread, from the shops. Some reopened especially.

This prompted one Turkish academic to tweet that he expected the whole of Turkey to be infected within 48 hours.

So maybe it is A Cunning Plan after all.

These are strange times. Obsessional even. I spend a lot of time talking to my dog. Which probably would not be a concern if I actually had one.

Seriously, I have a small oil painting on a piece of hardboard. It is an impressionist piece depicting what I think is a Fin de Siècle Parisian street scene. I frequently find myself lost in it. I have attached it for your appreciation. Is it just me? Look at the patient expression on the omnibus horses in the foreground, the wet streets, the sense of movement and bustle. Tell me you understand. Somebody, please. I need HELPPPP

Meanwhile my Partner in Pindown has set aside the pine needles for a while, complaining of an allergic reaction in her index finger. She has now joined a group called ‘View from my Window’.

Which is All Very Well but my attempts to write are interrupted by shouts of

“Oh my God! You have to come and look at this! Why would you join a group like this if your window looked on to a car park in Crewe?”

Or

“Oh come on. Stop being so dull. Look at this bear crossing a woman’s garden in Montana. Wow! She must have some money though! Come on. Only take a second.”

I wonder if Shakespeare had to put up with this kind of thing?

“When are you going to fix that hole in the thatch Will? You promised you would do a few jobs around the house! ‘As soon as I have finished this Macbeth play’ you said. Depressing story anyway

A sigh from the great man’s study.

“The world is not going to stop turning because you need to take a break from – What is it now? The Tempest isn’t it? Another cheerful little story I suppose…… And this window is stuck. Place is falling apart. When are you going to earn any money from all this effort I want to know?”

Probably.

Wars and Pandemics bring all sorts of changes including changes to the language. ‘Avoid like the Plague’ springs to mind.

Here are a few words and phrases that were commonly used BC (Before Corona) and are now under threat AC (you can work that one out I guess).

Just nipping out..

Will you be at home later?

Diary

Traffic Jam

Traffic

Have an affair

Handshake (like sort of touching elbows you mean Grandad?)

And here are a few that are trending

IBAN (or Sort Code)

Socially distanced

Facemask (.com?)

Zoom

PPE

Write off (anybody over 65)

OK I invented the last one! Feeling bitter momentarily. Feel free to suggest your own

Once upon a time we read books, printed on paper, with titles like Brave New World and 1984. Now in Wuhan you carry an app on your phone that grades you Green, Yellow or Red and shares your location and status with the Authorities. I will show you Fear..

Stay safe