So Mr Cummings is not going.
I suspect Mr. Cummings’ main crime is that he is physically not very attractive. He has compounded this by appearing rather graceless and clumsy in his attempts to explain himself.
‘Manners’ as Evelyn Waugh remarked ‘are especially the need of the plain. The pretty can get away with anything. ‘
DC should have recognised this. Although he probably regards himself as a bit of a catch. Most people look in the mirror with very forgiving eyes. I know I do.
His name probably does not help him either. Cummings, I recalled the other day, was also the name of one of the two particular friends of the Pooters in the comic masterpiece The Diary of A Nobody.
Actually it is time I read the Diary again. It is wonderfully funny in a gentle, Woosterish sort of way. The Kindle edition is available on Amazon for £1.49. And if you do not like the sound your wallet makes when you release it from your pocket, you can find it for free online. It is out of copyright.
I am reflecting on Cummingsgate because I received a zoom call from an old Parisian friend Francois Le Grenouille. The gist of his call went like this
“Chreez mon brave, explique-moi cette histoire de Cummeengs. ‘Ee is paedo, non?”
“Cummings, a paedophile? No! What on earth gives you that idea Francois?”
“Well I see on ze tv the big crowd outside ‘is ‘ouse. Zey shout and scream. Zey are writing on ‘is wall. They frighten ‘is children. In France zis can ‘appen if you are paedo.”
“ Well No. He took his car, drove 250 miles and..”
“Eh bien. C’est clair! He stole a car. Maybe there was baby in it?”
“No, no François. It was his own car.”
“So what ‘ee do wrong?”
“So he drove his wife and children to his family’s big estate 250 miles away during lockdown and..”
“And he knock down some poor black handicapée lady on the crossing zebra, maybe?” Francois interrupted again. François is handsome. He does not need manners.
“No, no! François écoute! He drove all this way during… listen François, I only have 5 minutes left of free time on Zoom before I have to upgrade. Let’s talk family. How are Anne-Marie and your lovely daughters?”
Cummings! Come on. What are we about here? We grab our goatskin of wine and a bag of baked doormouse scratchings, and surge out to join the throng on the way to the Colosseum. The scent of blood, the roar of the crowd, the savagery of the lions and the trembling of the contemptible Christian is a thrilling spectacle. A great distraction in this worrying Time of Corona. A bit of bloodletting. But is it what we need?
Citizens! Rome is burning.
A 300 billion Damoclean sword (I am so in a mood for metaphors) is hanging over the economy and millions of workers are being paid to stay at home. Fear of a second wave haunts even as we start to try and restart life in the new normal. Our hugely important world class artistic and sporting sector – the Globe, Royal Opera House, The O2 Arena, Wembley, Twickenham, our museums – face enormous challenges. Our restaurant and culinary scene, transformed from laughing stock to world leader in a couple of decades, is bleeding out. And so on.
If ever a time called for creative, inspired government, this is it. Nobody but nobody really knows how this sucker will play out.
Whatever Boris thought he was getting when he won the election with a handsome majority just six short months ago it was not the nightmare that he actually got. Having narrowly escaped death (50/50 once you go in to an ICU with Corona) he now, like King Henry IV, faces a long, long sleepless night. ‘Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.’ Nobody can envy him the task.
There is a time for all things. Now is a time for ideas. And for Humanity to show that it is a worthy custodian of the planet. It is indeed our very humanity and our unique ability to imagine and co-ordinate that will enable us to rise again and make a success of the New Normal.
We are flying by the seat of our pants (just call me Metaphor Man). We have to pull the plums out of the pudding (Stop! No more!).
Young people everywhere, I salute you and trust to your fortitude, adaptability, innovation, entreprise, optimism and hunger for change.
You will need it.
Mr Cummings has left the room.
Gençlere Şerefe