Meet the Frokkers

There are many tribes which make up the community of the Foreign Residents of Kaş Kalkan (FROKK). Fine people all. This year those few without mobility problems will be swimming in the Mouse Island Swim. It’s time to Meet the FROKKERS.

Firstly we must distinguish between residents of Kaş and Kalkan. The Kaşites quite rightly believe themselves superior to what they have always perceived as the Little Britain enclave of Kalkan (aka “Kalkanshire”).

Kaş generally attracts young dude Turkish visitors from trendy districts of Ankara and Istanbul, such as Cihangir. It is reckoned younger and more cosmopolitan than its dowdy cousin. What the Kaşites have not noticed however is that Kalkan has been going through a revolution. Its visitor demographic is changing. Kalkan is becoming trendy. Look to your laurels Kaş.

Now to the Kalkan tribes, whose demarcations are better known to me.

First up are the New Kidz. These are recent arrivals fleeing a police record (these are the ones you do not see on Facebook) or just retiring from a life of toil in Europe. New Kidz are full of enthusiasm for their new found life in “paradise”. A real tonic. Most of them are so young they can sleep a whole night without having to go to the toilet. The freshest faced have not yet realised that in January, when the sun stops blazing for a couple of months, their shiny open plan villas have the heat retention properties of a line of wet washing.

New Kidz also still think that they are going to learn Turkish. Just need to try harder next year. Their hope is an example to us all.

Not quite able to believe their luck to be living the dream, they will post everything they eat on Facebook along with a chilled glass of Efes with a caption like “Tough life but someone has to do it”.

Fave toon “Happy” by Pharrell Williams.

By contrast the Old Timers have served 20 years or more. They bought villas when Moorish arches and cedar wood were the style. Most will have gone into business with a local and lost a chunk of cash so their enthusiasm for Kalkan is tempered with a dash of vinegar. None the less, whilst experience shows that the majority of foreign residents will head for home after 8 years or so (the 8 year itch) the OTs have dug themselves in, winterproofed their villas and look on with mild amusement at the Kidz. Give them respect.

OTs gave up on learning Turkish long ago and have flogged off their primers on Facebook or used them as kindling for the soba in January.

They will be the ones seated nearest the loo at celebration dinners.

Fave toon “Sorry? Favourite what? Bloody noisy in here.”

Another important tribe are the KAPSAlı. You will know a Kapsalı when you enter their villa as every seat will be taken by a smug looking animal, who knows a good thing when it sees it. Actually you probably will not get to enter a Kapsalı’s villa because on the whole the company of humans is tolerated rather than encouraged. Most are female btw. You may find the occasional husband in the tribe. Easy to spot as they will have one tagged ear.

Least likely to say “For the next fundraiser, let’s have a fireworks party.”

Least fave toon Jumping Jack Flash.

The Hill Station Dwellers see themselves as the landed gentry. Their plot is bigger than yours. They make their own preserves and stuff. Rarely get invited to dinner parties as they bring their home made wine and drink your single estate Likya Malbec.

Although HSDs live higher up, the lift does not always go to the top floor. Eccentrics a-plenty up here; flat earthers (“How can the World be round for God’s Sake? Science! Don’t fall for it”) and a good chunk who know Elvis is not dead but is behind the so-called “pandemic”.

HSDs also cannot speak Turkish. But they sign on for the Beginners Class at Kaş Halk Eğitim Merkezi every year. This is, in their view, pretty much as good as learning the language

HSDs add hugely to the colour of life in Kalkan, if you are lucky enough ever to come across one.

Least likely to say. “Just nipping in to Can Can for a can of baked beans”.

Fave toon Buddha Bar

And then to round off we have the WAGs (Wives and Girlfriends). The WAG is hard to define although you will know one when they sweep past you pretending not to notice you. Actually they probably have not noticed you.

Just having a Turkish partner does not qualify you as a WAG. There is a certain attitude. It has something to do with cocktails but I cannot quite pin it down exactly.

WAGs are highly educated. They hold degrees from top British Universities but they marry Turks whose lack of formal education is compensated for by charisma and raffish good looks. Another feature marking out the WAG as a superior kind of person is the fact that they speak Turkish. This is not because they are more intelligent, although that is what they tend to think. No, they have learnt Turkish because they have fearsome mothers in law who live in places like Isparta and Gömbe. Convincing such scary figures that they are worthy of their sons is hard enough without being incapable of communicating as well.

WAGs are also the backbone of the business class. They have had a difficult time recently so Respect and Love

Least likely to say “Espresso Martini? No thanks, just a glass of water for me”

Hang out;  Indigo Beach Club

So there you have it.

I of course love all the FROKKERS and hope they still love me because on 9th October residents, foreign and local, will be swimming to raise funds for heroic local Search and Rescue group AKUT and also for victims of the fires.

I have been invited to tour the fire damaged areas with AKUT and see first hand the needs, assess livestock damage etc. I will report back. I sense I am going to be deeply affected

We have 24 swimmers, half swimming from Mouse Island to Kalkan Beach and half following on boats to swim the last 1000 or 500m. Message me or fınd me at Indigo 1000 – 1100 any Saturday to learn more. Help us by raising money from friends and family.

All the money will go to rebuilding lives and to strengthening AKUT.