Ageing, as they say, broadens the waist and narrows the mind.
One’s passage through life is marked by many things, rites of passage if you will. But at the further end of the trajectory, as the body wears out and the increasing unfamiliarity of modern life begins to grate, it is tempting for we seniors to slip into grumpiness like a comforting old overcoat.
So easy to get up grumbling about the pain in your hip, a bad night’s sleep, bloody dogs barking, bloody neighbours’ sulphorous soba smoke. Before you know it Turks become bloody Turks and you have slipped in to “them and us” syndrome.
At Leto Towers the Special and I have developed a system for clipping the wings of the Grumpy Bird. We divide the day into two parts, Moaning and Afternoon. Under this system, it is perfectly acceptable to complain about anything BEFORE MIDDAY.
However after twelve o’clock, moaning is over. It is afternoon. No more negativity.
It does not always work, of course. And now we have The Builders in for a month. Our system will be tested to destruction.
It is always stressful having your castle invaded by The Builders in any country. There are, however, a few things particular to Turkey that you need to know.
- Be wary about offering çay. I have been told by a friend (so must be true) that the average Turk drinks 30 glasses of tea a day (each sweetened with 2 lumps of sugar). Once you offer a tea service to your builders you will have to sign your life over until they depart
- Most builders are not even dimly aware of the sustainable / eco agenda. You can try explaining recycling and repurposing in your broken Turkish. Good luck. They will still empty their cement scrapings in to your pot plant and dump the rubble in the stream bed around the corner.
- Wherever there are builders at work you will see a figure hanging back but ready to pounce. This is the Turkish owner. Turks always watch their builders (What they do about their day jobs I have no idea. Maybe they can get compassionate leave). The owner is there to check that the waterproof membrane he specified actually gets installed. Builders in Turkey work on the principle If You Cannot See It It Cannot Be Important
- The man standing on his workmate’s shoulders is not training for Cirque du Soleil. He just does not have a ladder. Turkish builders do not let little things like that get in the way of doing a tricky job. NB For Health and Safety see note above on Eco/Sustainable. Low on the radar.
Learn the rules and you will have a very successful project. Turkish builders work very hard, for very reasonable prices. If you are a good negotiator you can pay no more than 50% above the price a Turk would be charged.
We have been around the block a few times so are practised now. We are currently converting a large balcony into a studio/spare bedroom.
Fortunate we have Ramazan Kivrak and his brother to do the work. You do not hire Ramazan. He selects you from a longlist of applicants. He is about the most considerate and competent constructor you could find.
As if this was not enough, he is married to the World’s Greatest British Baker. This gives us a privileged access to delicacies like teacake, coffee and walnut sponge, scones, steak pie. Envious? No? Then you are not human or certainly not English. These products will reset your concept of baking. If Debbie entered The Great Bake Off the judges would take a mouthful and declare “Game over!” and close the show.
We are at the same time having the house insulated with an external cladding system. To do this we have, under the management of my friend Süleyman Buran, a team of three Eastern Turks (2 Kapadokyalı and 1 Konyalı). They are brilliant, competent and friendly. Usta Ali is keen to practise his scraps of English. He came rushing in and told Kim
“Araba. Car. Glass. Jam!”
The bemused Special summoned me and told me the builder wants me to move the car.
It had just started to rain so I grabbed a coat and headed out. The car looked fine. I looked up at Ali who called
“Cam açık abı. Yağmur.”
Mystery solved. It was raining. I had left the car window open. Cam in Turkish is pronounced ‘jam’ and can mean glass or window.
I smiled and made them all another a cup of tea
Another cracking tale