When Is A Mouse Not A Mouse?

When is a Mouse Not a Mouse?

I believe it was Alan Clarke, a philandering, long departed Tory politician who confessed to feeling a bat-squeak of desire. In his case it was at the sight of Margaret Thatcher’s ankles. An immortal phrase and one which neatly captures my present urge to write; a bat-squeak. But I have decided to set butt to chair and pen to paper. I am determined to produce a little oeuvre. There is, after all, always plenty to write about in our petit monde, the Bubble.

The Turkish economy is in something of a tailspin for a start, with official (yeh) inflation at 80%.

For the British the main unit of currency is the Efes. Brits, as part of their preparation for their holiday in Turkey, will often post on social media sites a query such as ‘Hi lovely people, wondering what is the rate for Efes currently?’ This will elicit a barrage of around 400 kindly replies such as “Wait and see Dickhead”, “Ever heard of Google?” or “How stupid are you?”.

The Efes has actually rocketed against the other less important Turkish currency, the lira. When we moved here the Efes was trading at around 4 lira but is now more like 80tl to a single Efes, depending on where you buy it of course.

Life, and not just Efes, has indeed got more expensive in our Happy Place. Indeed the cost of living has increased to such an extent that it has become for some their Unhappy Place. A personal friend, one of many who have recently repatriated (can you repatriate?), even asked me recently if I felt like the last man standing. To which I was tempted to reply “Who said I was standing?”.

Having recently had an encounter with an apricot tree which left me needing seven stitches in the head, the question is a reasonable one. The Kalkan Clinic, however (respect) was up to the occasion and Nurse Ratchet sat me down, stabbed around and put seven stitches in before you could say ‘Bloody hell! That hurts!’. I was on my way within minutes. People tell me it looks like sail stitching and my skull does feel like those sisal-type carpets that were trendy for a while until someone throws up on it and you have to clean it. I was very happy with the speed and efficiency anyway. We are well served by our clinicians here. Huzzah les medicins!

Getting back to the point, life in Kalkan, the Special and I returned from a seven week summer sojourn in The Homeland with a renewed enthusiasm for our life here. We have an amazing lifestyle and still very affordable as long as your income is in hard currency. However, eating, and particularly drinking, out is now not much cheaper in Kalkan than in the UK so if your holiday choice or your residential lifestyle is premised on the price of a meal out, Kalkan will not be the destination for you, I suspect. Kalkan is also now firmly established as a fashionable resort for Turks, of both the secular tribe, who stay in town, and the conservative ones who stay in the mountains. This is changing the frequency at which Kalkan vibrates during the season. Goodbye quiet moonlit harbour dinners, hello Turkish Disco Rap. And do not think about parking a car. Given that and the fact that the current season reflects two years of pent up, carried forward demand, it will be hard to predict how 2023 will be and the direction of travel of our little resort town. But at least money has flowed into hard pressed coffers this year. One thing never changes and that is the certainty that everything changes. That’s part of life’s excitement.

Then again 2023 is a momentous year for Türkiye (impressed?). October 29^th 2023 is the date for the Secular Republic’s 100^th anniversary and June 23 is the last month before which Turkish voters must re-elect the incumbent Reis or hand power to an opposition coalition who are promising a return to parliamentary politics. The stakes could not be higher. An epoch shattering twelve months is in prospect. All sorts of manoeuvres are in evidence. The celebration of the 99^th anniversary this October 29^th may be a weather vane of what is in store for us next year Maybe I should get myself to Izmir (that’s where oppositional politics really goes down) to test the temperature! ‘May you be born in interesting times’ as the Chinese curse has it.

To those who dream of retiring to Kalkan my advice is always the same; leave the door open so that you can return when and if you tire of it and try to engage in life outside the bubble. Ex-pat social life is good but people come and go. Shifting sands do not make for the best foundation. Hook your life on to something with roots; KAPSA, Kaş for Kids, the Artisan community. I play a bit of music and organise the annual Mouse Island Swim. That’s enough for me. The Special has her amazing garden. We keep busy. Planning an olive grove for next year. We make our own electricity from the sun and wine from Öküzgözü grapes which insulates us from two of the biggest price shocks.

Talking of that hardy annual, the Mouse Island Swim this year will be bigger than ever. 56 swimmers will be taking part in the 12^th Community Swim. There is even a rumour that the new district governor. Kaymakam Bey will be taking the plunge. We are raising 20 thousand GBP (although we really want to go well beyond that) to help three local village schools to improve their infrastructure and a further tranche will go to our dear friends AKUT, who help organize the swim and assure our safety. And yours too if you go wandering off in the mountains or get trapped in a forest fire.

Everyone, we appreciate, is feeling the pinch or worried that they soon will be, so your donations are greatly valued. Whether you contribute or not, come down to the beach by 11.00 on Saturday 1^st October and join the party. Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow…

You can learn about our swim and donate here https://fundrazr.com/622Hl8?ref=ab_f7aAS7

And the answer to the riddle? When is a mouse not a mouse?  Answer: When it’s a rat.

The Turkish name for Mouse Island is Sıcan Adasi or Rat Island.

Be happy